Lawyers, Guns and Money

I went home with the waitress

The way I always do
How was I to know
She was with the
Russians, too?

I was gambling in Havana
I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns and money
Dad, get me out of this.

-Zevon

Seriously, when did we surrender our individuality and why wasn't I informed? Here I am, minding my own business when all of the sudden this press release pops up in front of me. Then I did some further googling...

Major League Soccer representatives... can I have a minute with just MLS fans?

Are they gone...

Good.

SERIOUSLY GUYS? THIS IS WHAT WE'RE WASTING OUR TIME ON? SOME DOUCHEBAGS FROM HOUSTON?

These are the same folks that had a "no away fans can use our port-a-jons or talk to us because we're not able to control ourselves" policy. (Also I swear there used to be something about this on their website, but since this issue came up they seem to have scrubbed it)... wait... no... it's still there... .

Seriously Houston? I showed up there and it was a lot more than "For safety reasons, avoid non-Dynamo supporter groups when possible." It was lets actively NOT LET THE ONLY GUY SUPPORTING THE CREW IN THE ENTIRE PARKING LOT NOT USE THE PISSER.

OK... other MLS fans... can you scram for a minute? I need to talk to my fellow Columbus Supporters for a second. Thanks.

Guys...

I don't remember joining this douche brigade. Did this come up for a vote when I was blacked out in a corner?

Here we are though... even though the douches couldn't be bothered to download the group's logo from their damn website. I guess they were too busy downloading the logo for the DETROIT GROUP.

This is the issue I had with the whole "Support the Fort" thing. These were the same people that labeled and still label all of our groups racists even though from what I've heard whomever that was was run out of the stadium and instructed never to show his idiotic racist face again. So New England... we're assholes until we're needed?

Yeah... typical.

To me this just seems like what it always seems like.

Oh god... so I'm reading and they're working on drafting guides for away fans. THANK GOD... BECAUSE WITHOUT THIS I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD ANY IDEA WHO THE VANCOUVER CANNUCKS WERE.

Welcome back everyone else. My point in the last few posts were the following.

A: I don't trust anyone who wants us to make a TIFO for another team.

B: If you can't control your people bad stuff is probably going to happen to you.

C: If you weren't part of the stuff you got in trouble for SUE THE LEAGUE.

Seriously... this league treats supporters like a commodity to be bought and sold. This is because of one thing and one thing only. We've given them no alternative.

If you're eating a big crap sandwich and enjoying it I can point why you're eating the sandwich back to one thing. You enjoy eating crap sandwiches.

Texian Army... I've run out of places to put the text so I'll put my commentary to you in italics.

A - you guys are douches... seriously... see above for why.

B - if it wasn't one of your people why haven't you threatened legal action or a boycott? Setting precedent for issues like this would have gotten MLS off of supporters about situations like this immediately. Instead you appealed for "banners" and "support". Sounds like...

C - Maybe it was one of your guys and you don't have a legal leg to stand on? Or maybe you just don't want daddy to take any more of your toys away.

I can tell you one thing. If I believed the Crew was playing us like that and we were not guilty I would bring a lot more down on their shoulders than the force of "People Who Will Never Be Regular Consumers of My Product" ... errr... "the ISC"

This brings me to my actual point. This group is a brainchild of a bunch of non-Crew supporters groups. Good on them!

I say again.. good... on.... them.

This seems a bit too silly for folks like us.

Why are we listening to folks like this?

Capos have been the topic of the week and I've discussed them at length in a previous post. I think the idea of doing this is anti-Columbus and counter productive to what we are trying to do. I honestly think that a capo makes us look like douches.

We're off our game. My buddy Matt stated the following tonight "Even my dad thought they were lame. He said it wasn't as cool as before 08 was the last time he was over for a game" We have to bring our game up and we have to bring it up fast.

Do we really have to be like someone else to do it though?

Columbus needs to start acting like Columbus again. We started this. We were the first franchise and we are still the best franchise. The issue is I believe we have lost our way.

There's still a chance we can get back to this. Or this. Or this.

I assure you. The answer won't come through Portland, Seattle or Ch*cago. It will come through Columbus.

I'm hiding in Honduras
I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns and money
The shit has hit the fan

TV Party (Tonight!)

This is written as my own personal opinion and not the opinion of Hudson Street Hooligans... yadda, yadda, yadda.

We're gonna have a T.V. party tonight!

Alright!

We're gonna have a T.V. party alright!

Tonight!

We've got nothing better to do
Than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews

All our friends are gonna hang out here tonight

Alright!

-Black Flag

I've seriously been thinking about this all day. I understand. I really understand guys. You're upset. My question to you is simple. What will change?

I've been deeply troubled for a while now. I want you to watch this video.



I want you to look at the people behind Mike at the beginning of this video.

Then look at this video.



These seem to be in harmony with a concern I've had for a while. We don't have a direction problem in Nordecke. We have an influence problem.

Now look at this video.



Whether or not you like the "You Suck Asshole" chant this is a group that is cohesive and understands what should be done and when it should be done.

Now look at this video (last one, I promise)



Look at the section as a whole. With the exception of some of the very top rows everyone is participating and everyone understands what is going on. What's the difference between then and now?

The front row.

Yes, I'll be the first to admit I enjoy standing up front for a few games a year, but that's not my point. The section in 08-10 consisted of interspersed pockets of fans who understood what was going on, what would happen next and helped to motivate the more timid (read "newer") members of the corner to join in. That seemed to change in mid to late 2010 which lead to what I describe as the "front row mentality."

I don't mean those words as a slight nor do I mean to cast dispersions at those who decide that they must be as close to the front of the section as possible for every game, but I would like to ask them a question. Does this help the mission and goal of the section or does this help you?

The mission and goal of the section, as I understand it, is to support the club, be intimidating as hell for the opposition and raise the atmosphere and experience that people have when visiting Columbus Crew Stadium.

How can this mission be accomplished throughout a 23 row section if the majority of opinion leaders and influencers are cramming as close as they can to the field?

The short answer is, it can't.

Cramming everyone who would influence others to participate to the front of the section benefits the individual, not the group and to that point, is contrary to the stated goal of a "supporters group."

Lets look at this a different way though. What did we have 2-4 years ago that we lack now? We had the following things.

1) A more organized and cohesive group of support.

2) More new fans being integrated and educated as they showed up.

3) A larger footprint of what I would consider the "vocal" supporters section.

So what do we have now?

1) A much more concentrated footprint of core "vocal" support.

2) New fans who are confused and not participating.

It seems to me then that we as HSH would want to create the following goal.

Within the next two games increase the participation level of our section so that everyone in the first 12 rows of the Hudson Street section is participating in 90% of the vocal activity. (You've got to start somewhere right?)

How do we accomplish this goal? Some have said a capo is the way to go in order to influence the section. A capo is a possibility, but on its own I believe could prove disastrous to us.

Currently the people above approximately row 5 are pretty disengaged with any chanting/singing etc. with the exception of very basic chants or clapping. Without anyone with them to influence them what is one dude with a bullhorn going to do?

At this point you're preaching to the choir. Without some sort of sphere of influence it just becomes some really annoying guy standing there that they're going to ignore. Hell... they're already ignoring the first four rows anyway. What's one more person going to do?

Also... I have yet to see a capo in MLS that isn't a giant douche. Look at this guy.



I know... earlier I promised no more videos, but seriously. That guy looks so damn proud of himself doesn't he?

Now check these dudes out... as my girlfriend so eloquently put it "Are they at gymnastics practice?"



I thought we were all about being original in Columbus. I thought we weren't European atmosphere because screw Europe... we're Columbus. We've had better atmosphere than any other stadium in the league AND had a better time than any of these losers all without getting a choir director.

It's simple to me. Do you like the atmosphere of the front row? Then take 5 steps backward and create that atmosphere in the fifth row. Better yet, take 10 steps backward and create that atmosphere in the tenth row. Influence those around you to join in and make the entire section just as batshit insane as it was three years ago.

If you want a capo so be it. I'm not going to stop anyone from doing it. The idea of staying sober and spending the entire game with my back turned to the field does not seem like my cup of tea, but if you want to do it, by all means.

Just do me a favor.

Don't do it to get on TV.

Now she walks through her sunken dream
To the seat with the clearest view
And she's hooked to the silver screen
But the film is a saddening bore
'Cause she's lived it ten times or more
She could spit in the eyes of fools
As they ask her to focus on

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man! Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the Lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

- Bowie

Seattle, You Aren't Helping.

Don't pitty me, I'm where I want to be
Leave when I want to go, stay where I want to sew.
- Corporate Circus - Perfect Disaster

Friends, I'm having an emotional crisis right now at 3am. A crisis of the heart I guess you could say. I see things happening in MLS that disturb me. Not only do they disturb me, but quite honestly they make me feel like this league is taking a turn toward from the genuine to the maddeningly fake. I've seen it in our own ranks Columbus and I'll get to that in a bit, but there's a word that I keep seeing creep up. It makes me sick to my stomach when it is used to describe Major League Soccer because in my mind it is and also it can only be successful if it's completely separated from being this.

The word is European.

Yes. Some of us grew up watching the European game on television or reading about it, but that's not us. It's really not, and honestly... it shouldn't be.

I get sick an tired when I read things on the internet about how people believe that their teams have a European atmosphere, or how folks want to create a European atmosphere in MLS.

Seattle in particular makes me sick. - OOOH We get to go to a meeting with Drew Carey and learn how to be more European!

They aren't the only ones, but I think this idea that Europe is something to "aspire to" is disturbing and counter-productive to the league.

Seattle. Let me level with you. You're riding a high right now. Your team was created out of a combination of marketing hype, a celebrity owner, a gap in the marketplace left by the Sonics and the fact Toronto did so well.

Toronto is a few years beyond you right now and as we can see unless it was "Come Dressed as a Red Seat Day" in Toronto they didn't really have the crowd they were expecting. I know... I know... it was the beginning of the match. How could you possibly expect Toronto fans to be able to tell time and show up when the match starts? ... ... Oh... it was still like that during the 56th minute? Well rats...

Seattle fans, I know you weren't around in 2007 and 2008 so I'll remind you. At the time Commissioner Garber was dating Toronto. He enjoyed their ticket sales and "European atmosphere" Then something happened. He found a prettier date to the dance. I was you Seattle. Garber thought you were hot. The best thing since... well since Toronto. Your atmosphere was more authentic-ish and your fans were more "willing-to-shell-out-money-ish" (which Don finds VERY HOT.)

Then something happened last year. Don took a trip south. Unfortunately he found his new girlfriend while he was there.

Portland.

Here's the weird part. Montreal and Philadelphia have entered the league during this time... I guess Don just enjoys the frequent flyer miles.

Seattle... by my calculation you are a few years away from being Toronto. "Authentic" as hell, but also irrelevant. Toronto sells all their tickets for every match... unfortunately nobody shows up.

Seattle I have the solution. I know how you can avoid a fate similar to the Toronto's of the world.

Stop trying to be Europe.

It doesn't work. Not long term at least. Believe me... we've had our share and are still having problems with this in Columbus this year, but I'm dead serious. Stop trying to re-create something that is inauthentic and instead work on creating something else. Authentic American atmosphere.

The San Francisco Giants would not draw better if they had an "Authentic Japanese Atmosphere". The Nashville Predators would not draw better if they had an "Authentic Canadian Atmosphere"... on the other hand the Boston Red Sox have an "Authentic Boston Atmosphere" and they seem to be doing just fine.

Europe doesn't work in the USA and it doesn't work in Canada. Why not? It's not because we dislike Europe. I love Europe. It's because it's contrived.

Contrived works for a bit... it doesn't work long term. Unfortunately I see MLS moving toward "supporters trusts" and taking individuality away from specific supporters groups. I see "stadium bans" showing up for individual fans or even whole groups. This isn't America.

If I show up to a Cincinnati Bengals game and get in a scuffle with Cincinnati fans because I'm wearing an Indianapolis jersey I can guarantee you I will feel no retribution at my home stadium. Why is that? Because the NFL has learned better than to bite the hand that feeds. I recently heard a story about a Portland fan that got in to an indecent in Salt Lake City. Rightfuly so the fan was banned from SLC for a year. However the same person was then banned from the first few Portland games this season and also the Seattle game in Portland (in the middle of the season).

OOOHHH - How European of us.

It's not that hard to create "Authentic American Atmosphere". Just do what comes naturally. Yes, you can still do chants you stole from English fans. Yes, you can still bring in your [insert whatever instrument you bring to the games now here], but just do your own thing. Stop reviewing film of what Inter's fans did last week to get your playbook.

This doesn't just extend to Seattle fans. You know why Hudson Street wore bandannas for years? It's because HSH wasn't and still isn't about one person. It's not the MLS front row mentality. I think we as Crew fans may have lost our way on that one recently, but I don't think we are so far away we can't get it back.

How do we do this? Simple. Stop worrying about who gets up front and instead worry about indoctrinating the new members of the section.

MLS fans... my challenge to you is simple. Stop trying to be Europe. Be yourselves.

Because it's only when you have nothing in life to lose,
that you are truly free to do whatever you want to do.