Sunday, August 19, 2012

It's Time

So this is what you meant
When you said that you were spent
And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit
Right to the top
Don't hold back
-Imagine Dragons

At the risk of sounding hyperbolic tonight's match may be the most important match so far of the Crew's season.  I read a lot of Sports Club Stats.  All of the winning percentage stats contained herein are directly from this website.  It's a website that does all of the hard math that I don't have the patience for and spits out probabilities that show whether teams will or will not make the post season.  It's a website that's on my weekly reading list during the season, and if you are looking for a real snapshot of how the club is doing, it should be on yours as well.

Here's what we know as of this point.  Before this weekend's matches started the Crew had a 24.1% chance of making the playoffs.  I'll break down the east in a bit here, but at first glance that is a stark number.  Our current magic number is 30 points.  Due to Columbus' games in hand we still have some opportunity to guide ourselves in to the playoffs without any help from outside sources.  59 points will do it.  It doesn't lock up a specific seed (although the odds heavily favor not participating in the play-in match between 4th and 5th if Columbus finishes with 55 points or more), but it gets us in.

So far, this weekend's results haven't been kind to us.  Kansas City defeating Toronto dropped us another 0.4%.  Montreal's win over San Jose dropped us 0.5% and Chicago hurt us the most by beating New England dropping us 2.3%.

This puts the current chance of the Crew making the playoffs at roughly 20.9%.  Is there any question why this match is important?

As I'm writing this the Union are up on Untied by a score of 1-0 if a Union win holds that reverses our fortunes by 2.9% in the positive column.  Also tonight's Red Bull v Timbers match could help us as well.  If the Timbers win our chances increase by 2.1%.

As you may have guessed the biggest impact in our playoff chances is not results achieved by other teams, but instead our own results.  The entire point to this, and my reasoning for the importance of tonight's match, is that a win over Houston will increase our playoff chances by 16%.  A draw, this late in the season, barely moves the needle.  Compare that to our fixture against abysmal Toronto midweek.  Yes, it's important to pick up points, but as Toronto is all but mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, it has nowhere near the importance of tonight's match.  A win against Toronto will only increase our chance of making the playoffs 5.8% and drawing Toronto actually would decrease our chance of making the playoffs.

What's the point of all this, you might ask.  Well, lets take a look at the magic numbers for the east.



Club Current Points Total Points Needed to Lock Playoff Spot  Magic Number
1 Sporting 46 59 13
2 Red Bull 41 59 18*
3 F*re 41 59 18
4 Dynamo 40 59 19*
5 L'Impact 36                   N/A                   N/A
6 United 36 59 23
7 Crew 29 59 30
8 Union 26 57 31
9 Revs 23 56 33**
10 TFC 20                   N/A                   N/A

*There is a potential for NYRB and Houston to lock a playoff spot with only 58 points, but NYRB would have to finish 4-5-1 and Houston would have to finish 4-6-0.  This would reduce their magic numbers by 1 however since there are other records which would cause them to not lock their playoff spots I have set their magic numbers to the lowest possible point total where the way you get there does not factor.

** The Revs MUST win out the remainder of their schedule to accomplish this.

Currently two teams in the east can not make the playoffs based on just winning.  Montreal, due to the fact they've played so many more matches than the other teams in the division (27) and Toronto, due to their horrible start this year.

The schedule both helps and hurts the Crew going in to the home stretch.  The Crew play one more Western Conference team (Chivas) which can help to gain points, but will do nothing to hinder a conference opponent.  There are six matches against teams that are currently above the Crew in the standings.  The remaining six matches are against teams ranked lower.  The fact that there are only three teams lower in the standings than Columbus and they get to play them the same amount of times as the six teams ranked higher is nothing but helpful.  If you add to that the fact that Montreal has a lower PPG than Columbus that actually throws another match in to the "Teams We Play that are Worse Than Us" category.

What is my point here?  I'm a data nerd... and this game is damn important.  This match is the lynchpin for the remainder of the Crew season and could help ultimately determine if the club makes the playoffs or not.  Losing this match would drop the team's chances to make the playoffs in to the teens.  Hoping for three full points tonight.  Lets see what happens at 9.


The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell
Right to the top
Don't look back


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Catapult

I wanna be the knife that cuts into my hand 
and I wanna be scattered from here in this catapult 
What a big baby won't somebody save me please 
You won't find nobody home

You're going to find a Kirk Urso tribute on every other Crew blog you look at this weekJesus.  I can't compete with that. Nor will I try.  Kirk, from all that I've read (I never met the man) was a stand up guy.  I have no reason to take any of that at anything but face value.  The tributes coming in for this kid are a who's who of soccer folk.  I won't even make fun of Jack Jewsbury due to this.  Jack gets the rest of the season off from me talking crap about him for this.  I don't care why he did it.  That's class and I will respect that class.


I apologize to my regular readers if you expected to come in to this post finding a feeble attempt at humor as is my normal style.  I just can't do it tonight.  I fully expected tonight to be on the Massive Report Podcast tonight trying to inject some comedic relief where appropriate as is my normal thing, but I can't even feign that tonight.  Tonight, just as the last two nights have been, is awful. 

I love this town.  This is my adopted hometown.  I'm not from here.  I'm from Fort Wayne, Indiana.  My family lives there.  I love them to death.  My FAMILY lives here.  

Someone who is near and dear to members of my family is gone.  He didn't know me.  A lot of those guys don't know me.  Whether it's right or not I care about their well being.  This kid died.  This kid cheesing with a cat is dead. 

I work with a lot of amazing people.  Those folks whom I saw today know me as "one of the two Crew fans in the department".  I had Monday scheduled off.  The only thing they wanted to know from me today was my thoughts on the kid from the Crew that died.

I tried to hold my tongue.  I really did.  I know a lot of people in the medical profession.  I also have had rudimentary training in CPR as a camp counselor as a kid.  NONE OF MY TRAINING STATED TO WALK A PERSON WHO WAS IN ARREST AWAY TO ANOTHER LOCATION.

The interview that 10TV did started with the bouncer stating "I was just walking to the back, I was dong a routine cleaning check... so I went over there just to see how he was doing, you don't have to be a doctor to tell if someone is breathing or not."  To me that says one thing.  He wasn't breathing.  At that point we don't know what happened.  All we know is Kirk ended up on a stoop on the other side of Park Street near the Greek Orthodox Church.  That's weird.  My first aid training said nothing about removing a person who was not breathing to a place away from my place of employment.  In fact it stated the same thing as all of these web pages stated.  START DOING CPR.

I don't blame this bouncer that worked for Park Street Patio for Kirk's death.  Please don't take it that way.  I do however think this is a lesson that unfortunately had to be tragically learned by the greater community.  Don't wait to call medical professionals when someone is in trouble. 

I've said this before.  We're Columbus.  We're better because we take care of each other.  This may be my own idealistic representation of what our community is, but it's what I've seen before and plan on seeing again from our community.  Don't assume one of our brothers or sisters will be ok.  Take action.  Help your family out.

This Saturday we will mourn one of our own.  Someone who most of us never had the pleasure of meeting.  We have already mourned him privately, some with tears, some with questions, some with quiet thoughtfulness.  All correct.  Saturday let's mourn him with a thunderclap.  Not to impress others... not for the selfish reasons that may boil up in our most weak moments.   Let us mourn him with the respect we should pay a family member.

Let the whole damn world know he will not be forgotten.

I wanna be the light that burns out your eyes

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Crew v DC Live Blog

We're live blogging the Crew v DC match tonight. Why? For the lulz, and yes Virginia, there will be a drinking game. See you at 7:30.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Olde English 800


O, L, D, E,

E, N, G,
L, I, S, H,
Eight hundred,
Now I feel a whole lot better about myself
O, L, D, E,
E, N, G,
L, I, S, H,
Eight hundred,
Now I feel a whole lot better about myself

You're charcoal filtered,

Sun yellow malt liquor,
You make my grey skies blue
I drink it daily,
As my liver's failing,
But I don't give a ....,
Olde English I'm in love with you
So we're going to do something that I think is pretty fun tonight.  This blog, unknowingly in coordination with much more professional blogs called Massive Report and MLS UK will do the most professional thing possible.  Participate in my drinking game.

Here's the thing.  I'm going to tell you the worst kept secret ever.  I grew up a Montreal Expos fan.  Yeah... seriously I did.  So what do I wish upon a city that stopped following my favorite team due to a silly strike (THAT COST THEM THE D..N WORLD FREAKING SERIES!!!!!)  <alright... breathe> I wish them defeat.  That's pretty much it.  Yeah, they're Canadians, but they're French Canadians which means something... I think... but I'm not sure what.  Well, some of them speak French.  Why am I bringing up the fact that I used to be an Expos fan?  I have a bit of a unique position for Montreal in my heart.  In baseball I wanted them to win... in soccer I want them to take 5 years to beat us just like TFC did.

The drinking game you ask?  Yep.  We're doing that.  Except this time we're doing it live.

You can check it out here.



Or you can check it out on MLS UK or Massive Report.

Either way you slice it it's going to be Jonathan Smith (Smitty), me and Danny Bidmead breaking the game down live for you from both sides of the pond and drinking ourselves blue in the face.  So it should be fun.  Also if you happen to be in the Columbus metro area the live blog will be going on at Hendocs and  I'll be going with some much more prominent Crew bloggers to Ace of Cups afterward to drink even more... so join us!

Until then... the Crew vs Montreal drinking game!

1 Drink

Kickoff

Offside

Goal Kicks

Corners

2 Drinks

The video doesn't match what's being talked about on the screen.

Something is said in French

Something French is mispronounced

3 Drinks

Yellow Card

Everyone at BBR is mentioned (The horrible bar that the Crew is doing their bar crawl at tonight.  I'm sorry if you call yourself a "Rock Bar" you should not have a picture of Kid Rock up anywhere unless you are trying to be ironic.)

The Montreal Expos/Canadians are Mentioned

The fact Montreal's attendance went down after opening their brand new stadium is mentioned.

Duncan talks about this drinking game.


1 Shot that you like

Crew Goal (to reward you)


1 Shot that you hate

Montreal Goal (to punish you)

That's about it kids.  We'll add more as we go and we'll have more than just goofy drinking games.  See you tomorrow!

Friday, June 15, 2012

40 oz to Freedom

And the answers always waiting at the liquor store, 40 oz to Freedom,
So I'll take that walk. 

So I know I haven't posted in a while so I thought, to myself... "Self, you know what would get be back in to posting more?"  I didn't reply because I'm not a schizophrenic.  I then continued, because, well we need to get this show on the road.  "A Crew vs Revs drinking game!"

The New England Revolution (or as most of us put it Robert Kraft's tax deduction,) have been Columbus' whipping boy for years now.  It fits that Columbus fans will have to find something to do during this game to keep themselves entertained  (other than count the painted on throwball lines that have no business being on the field during June.)  Oh, also I got bored today at work so some of hte suggestions are crowd-sourced.  Without any further ado... here's the Counter-Revolution Drinking Game!

1 Drink

The match starts.

The Fort (Which apparently is the name of the supporters section in New England) is shown.

Tom Brady's name is mentioned.

Duncan Oughton says something that nobody outside of New Zealand would understand. 

 Dwight Burgess mispronounces Andy Gruenebaum's last name... or Duncan Oughton mispronounces Andy's last name.  Or nobody actually knows how his last name is pronounced because he is such a nice guy he never corrects anyone.

Somebody mentions the turf surface.

A random New England player is shown during the coverage because FSOH didn't send their own camera crew to the match.

every failed pass.. drink.

Whenever someone makes a "revolution" pun on twitter, drink a Sam Adams & punch yourself.


2 Drinks

 
Take a double shot each time the commentators mention Jay Heaps played basketball at Duke.

Take 2 drinks if there are more than 20 people in "The Fort"

Any Cheers reference.

Any reference to Tea Parties, Boston Massacres or Mitt Romney.

If Steve Abreu made an awesome tifo and it's on camera.

 3 Drinks

Take 3 drinks if there are more than 30 people in "The Fort"

Every time Jay Heaps gets elbowed in the face by a player.

Every time the New England Patriots are mentioned after the third mention.

Take three drinks just because it was Duncan's birthday this week! - Take 35 if he mentions that you should play this drinking game due to his birthday! (HINT HINT DUNCAN!)

Every yellow card.

4 Drinks

Take 4 drinks if "The Fort" is full.

If you see a Crew fan you know personally celebrating a goal.

Every red card.

If the weird, tarped off part of the stadium is shown.

CHUG!

Any Crew hat trick.

 Every time the Revolution are called "The Buffalo Bills of Major League Soccer".

Pitch invasion.

If more than 12,000 people show up to this match.


Enjoy the match!


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Lawyers, Guns and Money

I went home with the waitress
The way I always do
How was I to know
She was with the
Russians, too?

I was gambling in Havana
I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns and money
Dad, get me out of this.

-Zevon


Seriously, when did we surrender our individuality and why wasn't I informed? Here I am, minding my own business when all of the sudden this press release pops up in front of me. Then I did some further googling...

Major League Soccer representatives... can I have a minute with just MLS fans?

Are they gone...

Good.

SERIOUSLY GUYS? THIS IS WHAT WE'RE WASTING OUR TIME ON? SOME DOUCHEBAGS FROM HOUSTON?

These are the same folks that had a "no away fans can use our port-a-jons or talk to us because we're not able to control ourselves" policy. (Also I swear there used to be something about this on their website, but since this issue came up they seem to have scrubbed it)... wait... no... it's still there... .

Seriously Houston? I showed up there and it was a lot more than "For safety reasons, avoid non-Dynamo supporter groups when possible." It was lets actively NOT LET THE ONLY GUY SUPPORTING THE CREW IN THE ENTIRE PARKING LOT NOT USE THE PISSER.

OK... other MLS fans... can you scram for a minute? I need to talk to my fellow Columbus Supporters for a second. Thanks.

Guys...

I don't remember joining this douche brigade. Did this come up for a vote when I was blacked out in a corner?

Here we are though... even though the douches couldn't be bothered to download the group's logo from their damn website. I guess they were too busy downloading the logo for the DETROIT GROUP.

This is the issue I had with the whole "Support the Fort" thing. These were the same people that labeled and still label all of our groups racists even though from what I've heard whomever that was was run out of the stadium and instructed never to show his idiotic racist face again. So New England... we're assholes until we're needed?

Yeah... typical.

To me this just seems like what it always seems like.

Oh god... so I'm reading and they're working on drafting guides for away fans. THANK GOD... BECAUSE WITHOUT THIS I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD ANY IDEA WHO THE VANCOUVER CANNUCKS WERE.

Welcome back everyone else. My point in the last few posts were the following.

A: I don't trust anyone who wants us to make a TIFO for another team.

B: If you can't control your people bad stuff is probably going to happen to you.

C: If you weren't part of the stuff you got in trouble for SUE THE LEAGUE.

Seriously... this league treats supporters like a commodity to be bought and sold. This is because of one thing and one thing only. We've given them no alternative.

If you're eating a big crap sandwich and enjoying it I can point why you're eating the sandwich back to one thing. You enjoy eating crap sandwiches.

Texian Army... I've run out of places to put the text so I'll put my commentary to you in italics.

A - you guys are douches... seriously... see above for why.

B - if it wasn't one of your people why haven't you threatened legal action or a boycott? Setting precedent for issues like this would have gotten MLS off of supporters about situations like this immediately. Instead you appealed for "banners" and "support". Sounds like...

C - Maybe it was one of your guys and you don't have a legal leg to stand on? Or maybe you just don't want daddy to take any more of your toys away.

I can tell you one thing. If I believed the Crew was playing us like that and we were not guilty I would bring a lot more down on their shoulders than the force of "People Who Will Never Be Regular Consumers of My Product" ... errr... "the ISC"

This brings me to my actual point. This group is a brainchild of a bunch of non-Crew supporters groups. Good on them!

I say again.. good... on.... them.

This seems a bit too silly for folks like us.

Why are we listening to folks like this?

Capos have been the topic of the week and I've discussed them at length in a previous post. I think the idea of doing this is anti-Columbus and counter productive to what we are trying to do. I honestly think that a capo makes us look like douches.

We're off our game. My buddy Matt stated the following tonight "Even my dad thought they were lame. He said it wasn't as cool as before 08 was the last time he was over for a game" We have to bring our game up and we have to bring it up fast.

Do we really have to be like someone else to do it though?

Columbus needs to start acting like Columbus again. We started this. We were the first franchise and we are still the best franchise. The issue is I believe we have lost our way.

There's still a chance we can get back to this. Or this. Or this.

I assure you. The answer won't come through Portland, Seattle or Ch*cago. It will come through Columbus.

I'm hiding in Honduras
I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns and money
The shit has hit the fan

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

TV Party (Tonight!)

This is written as my own personal opinion and not the opinion of Hudson Street Hooligans... yadda, yadda, yadda.

We're gonna have a T.V. party tonight!

Alright!

We're gonna have a T.V. party alright!

Tonight!

We've got nothing better to do
Than watch T.V. and have a couple of brews

All our friends are gonna hang out here tonight

Alright!

-Black Flag



I've seriously been thinking about this all day. I understand. I really understand guys. You're upset. My question to you is simple. What will change?

I've been deeply troubled for a while now. I want you to watch this video.



I want you to look at the people behind Mike at the beginning of this video.

Then look at this video.



These seem to be in harmony with a concern I've had for a while. We don't have a direction problem in Nordecke. We have an influence problem.

Now look at this video.



Whether or not you like the "You Suck Asshole" chant this is a group that is cohesive and understands what should be done and when it should be done.

Now look at this video (last one, I promise)



Look at the section as a whole. With the exception of some of the very top rows everyone is participating and everyone understands what is going on. What's the difference between then and now?

The front row.

Yes, I'll be the first to admit I enjoy standing up front for a few games a year, but that's not my point. The section in 08-10 consisted of interspersed pockets of fans who understood what was going on, what would happen next and helped to motivate the more timid (read "newer") members of the corner to join in. That seemed to change in mid to late 2010 which lead to what I describe as the "front row mentality."

I don't mean those words as a slight nor do I mean to cast dispersions at those who decide that they must be as close to the front of the section as possible for every game, but I would like to ask them a question. Does this help the mission and goal of the section or does this help you?

The mission and goal of the section, as I understand it, is to support the club, be intimidating as hell for the opposition and raise the atmosphere and experience that people have when visiting Columbus Crew Stadium.

How can this mission be accomplished throughout a 23 row section if the majority of opinion leaders and influencers are cramming as close as they can to the field?

The short answer is, it can't.

Cramming everyone who would influence others to participate to the front of the section benefits the individual, not the group and to that point, is contrary to the stated goal of a "supporters group."

Lets look at this a different way though. What did we have 2-4 years ago that we lack now? We had the following things.

1) A more organized and cohesive group of support.

2) More new fans being integrated and educated as they showed up.

3) A larger footprint of what I would consider the "vocal" supporters section.

So what do we have now?

1) A much more concentrated footprint of core "vocal" support.

2) New fans who are confused and not participating.

It seems to me then that we as HSH would want to create the following goal.

Within the next two games increase the participation level of our section so that everyone in the first 12 rows of the Hudson Street section is participating in 90% of the vocal activity. (You've got to start somewhere right?)

How do we accomplish this goal? Some have said a capo is the way to go in order to influence the section. A capo is a possibility, but on its own I believe could prove disastrous to us.

Currently the people above approximately row 5 are pretty disengaged with any chanting/singing etc. with the exception of very basic chants or clapping. Without anyone with them to influence them what is one dude with a bullhorn going to do?

At this point you're preaching to the choir. Without some sort of sphere of influence it just becomes some really annoying guy standing there that they're going to ignore. Hell... they're already ignoring the first four rows anyway. What's one more person going to do?

Also... I have yet to see a capo in MLS that isn't a giant douche. Look at this guy.



I know... earlier I promised no more videos, but seriously. That guy looks so damn proud of himself doesn't he?

Now check these dudes out... as my girlfriend so eloquently put it "Are they at gymnastics practice?"



I thought we were all about being original in Columbus. I thought we weren't European atmosphere because screw Europe... we're Columbus. We've had better atmosphere than any other stadium in the league AND had a better time than any of these losers all without getting a choir director.

It's simple to me. Do you like the atmosphere of the front row? Then take 5 steps backward and create that atmosphere in the fifth row. Better yet, take 10 steps backward and create that atmosphere in the tenth row. Influence those around you to join in and make the entire section just as batshit insane as it was three years ago.

If you want a capo so be it. I'm not going to stop anyone from doing it. The idea of staying sober and spending the entire game with my back turned to the field does not seem like my cup of tea, but if you want to do it, by all means.

Just do me a favor.

Don't do it to get on TV.


Now she walks through her sunken dream
To the seat with the clearest view
And she's hooked to the silver screen
But the film is a saddening bore
'Cause she's lived it ten times or more
She could spit in the eyes of fools
As they ask her to focus on

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man! Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the Lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

- Bowie

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Seattle, You Aren't Helping.

Don't pitty me, I'm where I want to be
Leave when I want to go, stay where I want to sew.
- Corporate Circus - Perfect Disaster

Friends, I'm having an emotional crisis right now at 3am. A crisis of the heart I guess you could say. I see things happening in MLS that disturb me. Not only do they disturb me, but quite honestly they make me feel like this league is taking a turn toward from the genuine to the maddeningly fake. I've seen it in our own ranks Columbus and I'll get to that in a bit, but there's a word that I keep seeing creep up. It makes me sick to my stomach when it is used to describe Major League Soccer because in my mind it is and also it can only be successful if it's completely separated from being this.

The word is European.

Yes. Some of us grew up watching the European game on television or reading about it, but that's not us. It's really not, and honestly... it shouldn't be.

I get sick an tired when I read things on the internet about how people believe that their teams have a European atmosphere, or how folks want to create a European atmosphere in MLS.

Seattle
in particular makes me sick. - OOOH We get to go to a meeting with Drew Carey and learn how to be more European!

They aren't the only ones, but I think this idea that Europe is something to "aspire to" is disturbing and counter-productive to the league.

Seattle. Let me level with you. You're riding a high right now. Your team was created out of a combination of marketing hype, a celebrity owner, a gap in the marketplace left by the Sonics and the fact Toronto did so well.

Toronto is a few years beyond you right now and as we can see unless it was "Come Dressed as a Red Seat Day" in Toronto they didn't really have the crowd they were expecting. I know... I know... it was the beginning of the match. How could you possibly expect Toronto fans to be able to tell time and show up when the match starts? ... ... Oh... it was still like that during the 56th minute? Well rats...

Seattle fans, I know you weren't around in 2007 and 2008 so I'll remind you. At the time Commissioner Garber was dating Toronto. He enjoyed their ticket sales and "European atmosphere" Then something happened. He found a prettier date to the dance. I was you Seattle. Garber thought you were hot. The best thing since... well since Toronto. Your atmosphere was more authentic-ish and your fans were more "willing-to-shell-out-money-ish" (which Don finds VERY HOT.)

Then something happened last year. Don took a trip south. Unfortunately he found his new girlfriend while he was there.

Portland.

Here's the weird part. Montreal and Philadelphia have entered the league during this time... I guess Don just enjoys the frequent flyer miles.

Seattle... by my calculation you are a few years away from being Toronto. "Authentic" as hell, but also irrelevant. Toronto sells all their tickets for every match... unfortunately nobody shows up.

Seattle I have the solution. I know how you can avoid a fate similar to the Toronto's of the world.

Stop trying to be Europe.

It doesn't work. Not long term at least. Believe me... we've had our share and are still having problems with this in Columbus this year, but I'm dead serious. Stop trying to re-create something that is inauthentic and instead work on creating something else. Authentic American atmosphere.

The San Francisco Giants would not draw better if they had an "Authentic Japanese Atmosphere". The Nashville Predators would not draw better if they had an "Authentic Canadian Atmosphere"... on the other hand the Boston Red Sox have an "Authentic Boston Atmosphere" and they seem to be doing just fine.

Europe doesn't work in the USA and it doesn't work in Canada. Why not? It's not because we dislike Europe. I love Europe. It's because it's contrived.

Contrived works for a bit... it doesn't work long term. Unfortunately I see MLS moving toward "supporters trusts" and taking individuality away from specific supporters groups. I see "stadium bans" showing up for individual fans or even whole groups. This isn't America.

If I show up to a Cincinnati Bengals game and get in a scuffle with Cincinnati fans because I'm wearing an Indianapolis jersey I can guarantee you I will feel no retribution at my home stadium. Why is that? Because the NFL has learned better than to bite the hand that feeds. I recently heard a story about a Portland fan that got in to an indecent in Salt Lake City. Rightfuly so the fan was banned from SLC for a year. However the same person was then banned from the first few Portland games this season and also the Seattle game in Portland (in the middle of the season).

OOOHHH - How European of us.

It's not that hard to create "Authentic American Atmosphere". Just do what comes naturally. Yes, you can still do chants you stole from English fans. Yes, you can still bring in your [insert whatever instrument you bring to the games now here], but just do your own thing. Stop reviewing film of what Inter's fans did last week to get your playbook.

This doesn't just extend to Seattle fans. You know why Hudson Street wore bandannas for years? It's because HSH wasn't and still isn't about one person. It's not the MLS front row mentality. I think we as Crew fans may have lost our way on that one recently, but I don't think we are so far away we can't get it back.

How do we do this? Simple. Stop worrying about who gets up front and instead worry about indoctrinating the new members of the section.

MLS fans... my challenge to you is simple. Stop trying to be Europe. Be yourselves.

Because it's only when you have nothing in life to lose,
that you are truly free to do whatever you want to do.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Things to Do in Denver When You're Drunk



Sweet baby Jesus on fire
Ima need a damn lawyer and a miracle
To pull my ass out of this

Wow. Has it been 135 days since we were here before? It just got dark here in Denver about a half an hour ago. At this time tomorrow we'll know what's up. Everyone and their mom has already written a preview of this match.

What the heck am I going to say that these folks haven't said at least 12 times?

I guess I'll just post a link to this.

You know, it's interesting. My girlfriend and I are sitting in the hotel right now as I write this and she is channel surfing. She has stopped on ESPN, ESPN 2, Altitude and pretty much every news network and I have not heard word one about the season starting tomorrow. ESPN.com has nothing on the front page at all about the MLS season starting tomorrow. Sports Illustrated does a bit better with one article buried deep below the fold. SB Nation has nothing on their front page either.

Earlier this month during the "State of the League" meeting in Columbus I asked Commissioner Garber the following question "What is MLS doing to attract fans in non-MLS markets?"

Garber's response was essentially to grow the sport in the MLS markets and to continue to try to get more games on national television.

So, honestly the answer is do next to nothing? It is absolutely absurd that seventeen years in to this league we still have such a disconnect with the national sports media. According to the Huffington Post soccer is now the second most popular sport in the United States with people 12-24.

Why are there NFL fans in Alaska? Obviously it's not because they get to go watch their favorite NFL club play 8 times a year in Juneau. (Or for that matter even once). If you pull payroll and history out of the equation and just look at the sport there is little difference between the EPL and MLS to an average American sports fan (except the MLS games are on a much more convenient times).


Why is it while other leagues are looking to increase their footprint in other ways than expansion the MLS doesn't even have an effective plan to market the Crew in Cleveland? (...or for that matter the Revs in Hartford, the F*re in Milwaukee etc.)

When I lived in Dayton I couldn't walk in to a gas station between March and July without seeing a Reds pocket schedule. When I was a kid living in Fort Wayne, IN the Cubs regularly sponsored a "Fort Wayne Day" where a local media sponsor would help to sell tickets and bus trips to Wrigley. The Cubs didn't need the additional ticket sales. They wanted to ensure that the people in that market, which was about equidistant from Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland and Cincinnati, would be more likely to be Cubs fans.

Major League Soccer faces a much more potent opponent than the Detroit Tigers. That 12-24 market I was talking about earlier? That's a national number, and if nothing is done those kids will be sporting jerseys from England, Italy, Spain and Mexico.

I know... I know... but what about USL Pro? In taking Portland, Seattle, Vancouver and Montreal MLS has effectively snatched the most viable teams in this league and the only ones with any sort of potential for creating a geographical footprint.

The biggest issue that MLS faces is the EPL. The EPL wants American money... (OK, to be fair they just want money, but they'll certainly take American money.) MLS, however has an advantage... they have the same advantage also with Serie A, FMF etc... MLS is here.

I will applaud MLS for a few things. In the last five years they have taken their online presence from being an absolute joke to being comparable if not better than their major league counterparts in the United States. They have learned how to capitalize on the buzz that new teams generate and have made that a catalyst for the media conversation. The issue is, there is a great deal of disparity between the haves and the have-nots in MLS.

While writing this I just had a conversation with my bartender at the hotel bar. She professed to not be much of a sports fan. I could tell this was evident when I asked her who the Colorado Rapids were. She replied that she had seen someone from the Rapids on TV during the intermission of the Nuggets game. She thought they were either the soccer or the hockey team in town. I helped her along and told her that they were the soccer team and they were playing the Crew tomorrow. She said she didn't realize that there was a professional soccer team in Denver. I informed her that the team had their own stadium. Her response was "You should tell them to let people in Denver know when their games are. I like soccer and I would totally go." (I couldn't place the accent that the bartender had, but she just told another patron that she was Polish. I would assume with the fact that at some point in her life she lived in Poland she would have at least a partial knowledge of the sport).

As a major league sport this is unacceptable.

Whilst writing this I have also been speaking to the much more intelligent Sam Fahmi. He has brought up a few points. His first point was tradition. There is no soccer tradition in the United States. While I agree with this there is an intrinsic problem with trying to create such tradition. You have to have tradition to create tradition and a seventeen year old league that's still trying to get it's shit together will not have tradition until it does just that. You can try to astroturf tradition, but I believe the manufactured tradition that has been created at some of the recent USL promotions will ring hollow in years to come.

The other comment Sam made which I had not thought about until right now is location, location, location. This has not helped Columbus (but I've written small novels and will continue to write small novels about Columbus' problems), but if you look at the other lowest drawing teams you'll begin to see a pattern. Of the seven lowest drawing MLS teams last year (teams under 15K) only the Crew play in the city limits of the city they represent. Conversely four out of the top six teams do play in their home city and the teams that do not are in the two most populous metropolitan areas in the United States and Canada.

I am incredibly excited for this year's MLS season. I know quite a few friends who are also excited, but (and I think my sentiments are shared throughout MLS) not enough people are excited. We need, as American and Canadian supporters to figure out a way to overcome Europe and Mexico. We need to figure out a way to get folks in markets that have no MLS team excited about MLS. Most importantly, we need to excite and inform the prospective clients of MLS teams who live in ACTUAL MLS MARKETS that they have a team... and those teams are playing a game they might enjoy.

Quite a lofty task.

Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.




(btw - thanks to my girlfriend for titling this post)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

An Open Letter to Joel Riley

Mr. Riley... can I call you Joel? Good. Joel. You and I have a problem. We’ve never met, and honestly before about 8:30 this morning I had no idea who you were. Unfortunately since that time our relationship has gone downhill.

Joel, sometime during your show this morning you began an interview with the commissioner of Major League Soccer Don Garber. What followed for the next four minutes and 50 seconds was one of the most unengaged and ill-informed interviews I’ve seen conducted outside of the world of politics.

Less than 15 seconds in to the interview you state “... three times best regular season record, but no title yet...” Joel, the Crew won the MLS Cup in 2008. Silver Dr. south of Hudson St. is named MLS Champions Way. Apparently you couldn’t be bothered to read all the way down to the THIRD PARAGRAPH of the Wikipedia article.


One minute in to the interview you kind of startled me again Joel. You state to Commissioner Garber “At 19 teams I know you'd love to add another one and I bet New York City would be a great place to go.” I guess not knowing about the Crew’s 2008 championship would also make it less than likely that you would know the Crew’s opponent in the 2008 MLS Cup was the New York Red Bulls. Apparently the Commissioner thought the same thing I did as he had to remind you that Major League Soccer already had one team in the New York metropolitan area and that the expansion side would be the second team.

Joel, I understand. You aren’t a soccer fan. Nothing wrong with that. Here Joel, is my concern. You weren’t even listening to your guest.

At 2:25 seconds Commissioner Garber bails you out. He states “The Crew brought home a championship in 2008.” Garber then speaks for a few more minutes about his thoughts on attendance and other club matters. You reply “They certainly have the product, they've got three out of the last five or six years where they've been the winningest team on the field, it's just get us a title I think and we'll talk.”

All I can conclude from this is you weren’t listening to a word Commissioner Garber was saying. In this day and age when given ample time to prepare, it is inexcusable to be ill-informed about such a basic topic. There were no concepts to grasp, no theorems to learn yet for some reason you couldn't bother more than a cursory look at Wikipedia. Beyond that though you couldn’t even bother to listen to your damn guest.

Joel, this is embarrassing. You honestly reminded me of Handsome Dan from Wayne’s World 2 during this interview. I understand that the Commissioner of Major League Soccer may not be your idea of an amazing guest, but he’s a pretty important one for Columbus. The Crew have a major economic impact on the central Ohio region and are a broadcast partner of your own radio station!

Joel, if Commissioner Garber was an NCAA official I don’t believe we would be having this talk. If he was the reserve women’s track team’s assistant coach for Ohio State I know we wouldn’t be having this talk, but he is neither of those things. Commissioner Garber is working with the Hunt family and the Crew front office to improve upon something that has a positive economic impact on the city of Columbus, improves the quality of life in this town and creates jobs. All of this was done with zero money from taxpayers (something none of the other pro teams in the state can boast).

What the Crew are looking for now with their “Dare to be Massive” campaign is publicity. That’s why Commissioner Garber came on your show today. His goal was to help the Columbus Crew. What he got was someone disengaged who focused on the negatives, didn’t do any show prep and talked about knee-capping David Beckham.

I don't mean for this to come off as personal Joel. I don't know you and I tend to think that most people when you get down to it are good, honest people who are trying to do the right thing. I think in this instance, you missed the mark.

Joel, I invite you to come out and take in a game sometime. While you are at the stadium talk to the kids who are part of the Crew Kicks for Kids program. Talk to the people helped by the Crew Soccer Foundation. Have a conversation with the supporters group leaders who participate in so many events and charities that make our community better every single day. Learn for yourself why the Crew community helps make Columbus a better place to live and then listen to that interview again.

The Crew deserve better Joel. Columbus deserves better.