Donner Party (All Night)

"And I wanted you to know

It was you that we were thinking of as we quietly died in the snow
A place we'd never leave
A place we'd never want to call home"
- Alkaline Trio

First and foremost I've gotta say it's good to be recognized by somebody. Unfortunately I hate to be presented in the same forum as any fan from what I would consider a "lesser organization".

To you Seattle fans reading this I just want to make sure you are aware. I did spend a total of like ten bucks to make that as opposed to your tifos which (according to rumor and my magic 8 ball) are completely funded by your front office. Also, on an unrelated note. I'm not sure who you were claiming to "dominate for decades" in week 9. Was it a bunch of minor league teams in the standings? As we all know if the answer to that question is yes then that's pretty weak sauce. If you are talking about your US Open Cup win(s)... yeah... who doesn't have one of those? I thought Garber started handing those out when you paid your expansion fee.

On the other hand if it has something to do with attendance than that's just absolute bullshit. As we all know from what most Seattle fans would tell you they have been HUGE Sounders fans since well before MLS was started. They did however have an interesting policy. "Fans" or as Drew Carey calls them "Cash Machines" were only allowed to attend one home game per year (as to make sure there was plenty of room for any new fans). That must be how everyone in Seattle was a huge Sounders fan in 2008, but they only averaged 2,785 per game.

Also. One other thing before I get to the actual point of this Blog. To say "Domination for Decades" it would require your team to be around for over 20 years. (See kids, I don't know if this is part of the Washington Public School curriculum, but a decade lasts ten years. Saying decades would indicate you have been around for MULTIPLE ten year sets. As your current team name was resurrected in 1994 that leaves you with less than 20 consecutive years which leads me to just question your math skills.)

Oh...

Sorry.

Salt Lake is here. Did I keep you waiting long?

My Just Watched Iron Man 2 on Netflix and Probably Should be in Bed, but I Wanted to do some Sort of Preview for this Match Before I Went to Sleep and Have Promised Myself Not to Make any Mormon Jokes as I Respect as Much as I Respect Other Religions Match Preview

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

Oh... really. Just because I'm a Crew fan you thought to yourself. "He won't bring that up. He's not that much of a douchebag. Guess what chief. I am EXACTLY that much of a douchebag.

I need to address you Thecrew.com for just a second... seriously? I quote "Columbus has never won in three trips all-time to Rio Tinto Stadium in league and MLS Cup play."

It's been four trips to Sandy. We've lost 2 league matches 1 playoff match and we played some of the worst soccer I've seen in this year's Champions League tie.

This, you may remember as the game where head coach Robert Warzycha decided to show up and coach the entire game with a blood alcohol content of .15.

Ok, so not really, but it was a pretty damn piss poor game against a team that we blanked the week before at Hunt Park.

ADVANTAGE SALT LAKE

Last Regular Season Meeting at Crew Stadium

While this was the Crew's first multiple goal win against a team not from Canada or Texas...



Aww... who am I kidding. This game meant three points. Nobody in Columbus cares when we play Salt Lake in a regular season match. Ever.

Oh well, we won.

ADVANTAGE COLUMBUS

Not Having Players on the Team Who Could be Confused for Members of the Counting Crows




ADVANTAGE COLUMBUS

Beer

Yeah, I'm going there. I was in SLC in 2009 for the Crew away match and while I had a great time I had a hard time wrapping my head around why I couldn't buy real beer at a gas station.

I guess they have cleaned up the whole 3.2 beer thing in recent years, but just for the sins of their past.

ADVANTAGE COLUMBUS


So I'm looking forward to tonight's match, but will be at a home away from home tonight as part of my "buy me a beer" outreach program. Instead of viewing tonight's match at Hooligans as I normally do, I will be throwing a dart at the board and picking either Ruby's, 4th Street, Fado, Suzie Cue or wherever the Crew Bar Tour is.

Oh god. It's at Mellow Mushroom. Well strike that off the list till they understand how to handle avocado without making me want to puke. Fado would be fun, but I plan on getting good and polished for this one.

Come find me tomorrow night. It'll probably be at Ruby's or 4th.

"So we began this way, I don't recall where we got started
And so we end this way no trace of us in spring "